nano encounters

Here I am, sitting at a 5 star hotel somewhere in the Middle East. I would rather not specify my GPS co-ordinates. Just imagine a large lobby covered with a light-colored marble floor, bright carpets thrown at right-angles, and huge chandeliers hanging from the ceiling over colorful furniture.

Upright on a piece of colorful furniture across from my business colleague, I am confident that I am mentally prepared for a business meeting. As the owner of my own business, I am familiar with my product requirements and market. The data is circulating in my head and I don’t need notes to present from.

Enter – one potential business partner. Let’s name him, Mr. Seller.

My colleague shakes Mr. Seller’s hand and they exchange a few greetings in a very upbeat positive tone. I am introduced and I get a nod of the head. No handshake for me. No problem, as I am aware of the religious custom and respect it. However, the mini nod does surprise me a bit. I was expecting a little chit chat like my male colleague received.

Mr. Seller could have said, “Welcome to our country! How was your flight? I am looking forward to our business discussions today.”

Four colorful heavy chairs surround our rectangular coffee table. My colleague motions for Mr. Seller to sit beside me on the chair to my right.

Colleague’s thinking, which he later blurted out to me, “She is the boss. This is her business. She will do the talking. I don’t know that much about the business.”

Mr. Seller pulls the chair out and away from the coffee table. He sits himself down away from me. He is now even beyond the right corner of the coffee table. He is diagonally opposite my colleague. It is an awkward arrangement, one which has broken the normal geometric pattern expected when three people sit down at a coffee table. 

I am tempted to say, “Hey, I don’t bite!”

However, I have to remind myself that, this is the Middle East and sitting such might be the normal geometric pattern here. Yes, I know what is normal here isn’t normal there and so I open my mind and shift my thinking to allow this awkward sitting arrangement.

Enter – another potential business partner. He is Mr. Seller’s partner and he takes the only vacant chair across from me, without moving it out of the pattern. No handshake. No chit chat. A quick nod and a little eye contact. A mini improvement.

My colleague starts with a short introduction and then explains to Mr. Seller, “Please ask her your questions and discuss business possibilities.  Even though she is visiting from the United States, she speaks our local language, so feel free to converse.”

It went in one ear and came out the other.  Mr. Seller totally bypassed what my colleague just said, and turned to speak with him.  He began by explaining what his company does and how they can be beneficial for him.  Yes, for him.  Not beneficial for our company or my company.

The conversation went on practically one-sided, with my colleague getting in a sentence here and there. Each opportunity he got, he referred back to me, pointed at me, and repeatedly suggested Mr. Seller and his business partner ask me the technical details of this and that. 

It didn’t make a difference.  I wasn’t looked at, I wasn’t spoken to, I wasn’t asked questions, and worst of all, I wasn’t even acknowledged.  For all practical purposes, I wasn’t even in the vicinity of the rectangular coffee table. 

Inside my head I yelled, “Okay, here I am, hello?  I am over here.  Can you kindly speak with me? I am the owner of the business and the purpose of this meeting was to meet with me. Me, who has flown across the planet to buy what you are selling.”

I can’t explain why I didn’t say anything. I just didn’t. Maybe it was shock, frustration, and disappointment wrapped up in one.  So, I sat there staring at the laces on my shoes, wondering if I should tighten them and walk out. 

An annoying clock repeatedly ticked in my head and I finally spoke up, “We have to leave. We have to go now. We have to leave right now,” I said to my colleague.

I nodded my head at no one in particular. A mini nod like I had received and I walked away with my back towards the ‘definitely not potential business partners’ all the way through the large lobby.

Out the lobby, out the hotel, down the sidewalk and I turn to my colleague who is walking a few seconds behind me and loudly say, “What the heck happened in there? Did you notice that Mr. Seller didn’t sit near me, nor look at me, nor speak with me? And his partner behaved almost the same. Did you see? Why did they do that? Why would someone do that at a business meeting?”

“What can I say? They are obviously religious people. They aren’t used to women at business meetings,” my colleague replied.

The statement, ‘women at business meetings’ echoed in my head.  This was undoubtedly the first time ever in my life where I felt less of a human being for being a woman; a business woman. No experience nor situation had ever presented itself this way before.

“Well, then a religious person shouldn’t do business with a woman!” I said.

About two hours later, after I had calmed down somewhat, a light bulb went off in my head and I turned to my colleague and said, “Why have these two business men and all biased Muslim men forgotten that the Prophet Mohammad’s wife, Khadija, was a prominent and successful business woman long before Mohammad came into her life? She employed Mohammad to handle her business.  Think about it, Islam started with a strong woman and Mohammad was not intimidated by such a woman, as he agreed to work for her and married her.  He obviously respected and loved her. So, how can a woman be worth less than a man in the Muslim Middle East? Given the roots of Islam, a business woman should be revered.”

My colleague laughed and said, “You don’t need to explain it to me.  I support and understand you, but I don’t know the answer.”

Now that I have experienced what it feels like to be less than a man, I am determined to shout out my logical arguments and prove that it is not possible.  We are different.  Women and men are different, but we are equal in mind and soul.